The Old Schism Trail
Well gather round folks, while we all soul-search
And I’ll tell you ‘bout my troubles at the UU Church
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea yippy yea
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
With a smile on my face and love in my heart
I came here-a lookin’ for a brand new start
Ain’t-a nobody give a ripple how I pray
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Well they passed round a plate, and I dropped in a dollar
Then I walked to the river with the flower mandala
Come a-ti yi pretty-pretty spring bouquet
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Hung around two years, then I swallowed the hook
My first big mistake was a-signin’ that book
Come a-ti yi whoop-along, yip ai yea
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Well I made my commitment on May 23rd
Headed for salvation with the UU herd
Every time I think about that awful day
I could cry yi yippy yippy yea
With a ten dollar pledge and a pew for a saddle
I headed to the church with my ping-pong paddle
Come a-ti yi slam-pop double-up day
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Well they showed me the light and they gave me a plan
Taught me to care about my fellow man
Come on in, come along, come with me, I say
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
I kinda like singin’ so they said, “You’re hired”
Suddenly I’m singin’ in the UU choir
I’m the one-and-only Tenor in the whole darned play
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Well the needed volunteers, so up I speak
Pretty soon I’m headed there five days a week
Come a Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Well I ushered and I greeted and I handed out flowers
Made a whole lotta coffee for the glorified hour
Gotta buy Fair Trade and save the earth, they say
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Then the truth came out and they just couldn’t fudge it
There’s a mighty big hole in the annual budget
Come a-ti yi sugar daddy come my way
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Well we argued and we fussed and we sent email
There we were headed down the Old Schism Trail
Come a-time I’m thinkin’ ‘bout the choice I made
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Then the chief benefactors all began to pass
And the finance committee started ridin’ my ass
Gotta tithe-i-gimme-gimme with thy pay
Gotta tithe-i yippy yippy yea
Well first Marguerite and-a then came Paul
You could see that handwriting on the wall
That’s-a why Deb left for Cali-for-ni-ay
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Well I made new enemies and lost my friends
And I swear, by God, I’ll never near church again
It’s a tie-down, whoop-along, giddy-up day
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
So I left that preacher with a few choice words
And I said farewell to the UU Herd
Come a-ti yi yippy good-a luck I say
Come a-ti yi yippy yippy yea
Say good-bye, I’m a-getting’ me away
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